"sometimes, it's nice to hold hands." -you

Everything is too confusing and I don't know how to talk about it.  Why is everything so difficult?  I tried writing a letter.  It didn't pan out, exactly.  It went a little something like this:


Dear You,


So.  Well.  Here it goes.  Sometimes, I have these super fun things called emotions (I know you hate them too, but they exist.  Like flies. Or mayonnaise.), but they're not always super fun.  convenient, per say.  Sometimes, I feel really terrible about myself uncomfortable and sort of sad when... 


 ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I hate the world


And so the "letter" ends.
Why did I ever think I knew how to speak English?  Ever?

ack

I have been convincing myself that I have "the consumption!", more commonly known today as tuberculosis.  I'm not sure why I have been so fascinated with it, because it's a very serious and deadly disease that I'm pretty sure most people don't really get nowadays in the United States.  I pretend to cough up blood, and then in a strangled, hoarse, and very dramatic voice, I lean on someone's shoulder and wheeze, "'Tis only the consumption, child! I shall be moving on soon, don't worry about me!" Then I clutch my chest and cough some more.  For some reason, nobody else thinks it's funny.  I need a job or something.

winter

In the winter you can see where all the dogs piss, you cry when the wind blows, because it snatches the tears out of your ducts without a please or thank you.  When you have to take the bus after your day, it gets dark, and you walk home in the cold, in the dark.  You lost your keys at your boyfriend's house in a moment of foolishness when you took them out of your pocket and threw them on the basement floor.  They were poking you.  Other things seemed more important at the time.  You tried looking for them, but they disappeared into the abyss of things that aren't where you were sure you left them.  Now you have to rely on someone to let you into the house, or you break in through that secret way in the back, and your bike lock is useless, because the key is gone.  Sometimes when you go through the back, you see a rabbit in the yard, or at least where the yard is supposed to be, under all of the snow.  You can see where the rabbits hop and poop and eat the rose hips from the rosebush in the front of your house too.  When you get inside it is warm and there is a dim lamp, and christmas tree lights on the wall.  The living room is filled with yellow light.